You know that feeling of something that is gone and can’t be recovered? That feeling once it sets in that this is permanent, that there is no turning back the clock to that warm summer day when they walked into your life and changed you. It’s not a summer day because we met in June, it’s a summer day because it felt like the season shifted with their arrival and introduction into your life. Yet somehow, tomorrow it can just be gone. And as another season begins, you find that this flower has not made it to the next season. You desperately wanted it to but it didn’t come with you. You have a hard time accepting that this flower wasn’t supposed to come with you. Yeah, that feeling. That longing feeling. It was supposed to be different.
We all experience loss in various ways and in various moments of our lives. Some people come into our lives and change us. They change us, they insert themselves into our hearts, and with their presence they demand a piece of us. At the same time, you start to carry a piece of them with you. As time goes on, you treasure this piece more and more and you allow it to reside within you. You form an attachment, like bees in a pod. With this attachment, a version of yourself when they are in your life or when you are with them is cherished and resides within you too.
But what happens when they’re gone? The person is still there, but no longer in your reality and you no longer in theirs. Why couldn’t they have been better? Treated me better when I gave them all I had. Why couldn’t they have been a better person? Treated people better and been kinder. And why couldn’t they communicate, when all I asked of them was to show me they cared? Why couldn’t we have put our differences aside and found the compromise we needed to find?
And why could you just leave my life with a piece of you still in my heart that I hadn’t prepared to let go of? I assumed that you would always be there.
There’s a piece of you that has been lost that I’ll never get back. I can’t keep holding onto you because of a version of myself that I was when you were here. I can’t hold onto you because I yearn for things to be different than they are. I can’t just hold onto you because I’m scared to lose you, because you became a part of me.
We know we need to let them go, but it doesn’t make it any less painful. And so they remain physically present but no longer in our reality, and us no longer in theirs.
It hurts because I pictured us as beautiful flowers in our garden. I pictured us blossoming into whatever we wanted to be. But the season has changed. And It’s time for me to accept that you won’t be a part of it.
EliWrites 