When I saw the news about Dominique Pelicot, who repeatedly raped his sedated wife in her own bed and then recruited 51 other men to do the same, it prompted me to again really think about my position as a man in society. This incident really demonstrates a massive problem that we’ve had for some time in society; the issue of male violence against women. Of course, it is not just this isolated incident which demonstrates the problem. The incident represents one of the worst forms and examples of male violence against women and has rightly left so many of us angry about how this can be possible in this day and age. Lets not get it mistaken though, this is very far from an isolated incident. If we look back in recent years as an example, there are a large number of high profile incidents of male violence against women such as that of Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa in the UK. However, whilst shocking, these incidents are sadly not necessarily surprising when we look at the nature of the problem broadly. A 2018 analysis conducted by the World Health Organisation found that nearly 1 in 3 or 30% of Women have suffered from physical/sexual violence. That is a staggering number and it demonstrates the scale of this issue. This is part of the reason why its not really enough to say “it’s not all men” anymore. When a third of women worldwide have suffered from some form of violence at the hands of men, the problem has very much gone beyond “it’s not all men”.
I want to look at this issue from a more micro perspective. Whilst it is the high profile incidents that take us aback and are seen on our news channels, the problems that lead to this violence are really much deeper and maybe slightly understated. So an investigation in 2022 found that 97% of Women aged 18-24 have been sexually harassed in the UK. We often think of violence against women as things such as domestic abuse or rape but actually the volume of Women who have often been sexually harassed shows us how the problem starts to manifest itself. Initially, when I saw this statistic of 97% I was admittedly quite shocked, but upon further thinking I sadly realised that this number isn’t all that surprising. Essentially every Woman I’ve ever known or spoken to has told me about a time or incident where they were sexually harassed. Sexual harassment can range from staring at a woman for far too long to catcalling to unwanted physical touch to stalking or to sending unsolicited photos to a woman right up to physical violence. However, the regularity with which women are sexually harassed really demonstrates problematic mindsets amongst men towards women. Catcalling for example is a really increasingly common form of sexual harassment in the UK. This is the act of making unwelcome comments or noises to/at women in the street. This can be such an uncomfortable, scary, and debilitating experience for any woman. Some men will argue that they do these things to make their interest known, but these actions largely make people feel extremely uncomfortable and scared to interact with men. The problem isn’t just physical/sexual violence against women but it is also this male feeling of entitlement for women and the subsequent attitude that all attention is good attention which constitutes a major part of the problem in my opinion. Again, the problem has very much gone beyond “it’s not all men”.
Alternatively, lets briefly play devil’s advocate and follow the line of argument that “it’s not all men”. Yes, technically it isn’t. There are many decent men who endeavour to treat everybody with the upmost respect and its not to say that all men sexually harassing women or committing heinous acts of violence. However, the problem very much is all of our responsibilities. As brothers, fathers, friends, boyfriends, husbands but most importantly as individuals. I strongly believe that a better society is carved through the mirror. The mirror is the biggest tool we have to drive necessary change. Why? Well it all starts with us looking at ourselves in the mirror and evaluating where we can improve as individuals. Asking ourselves in this particular case, how can I be part of the solution and not part of the problem? And once we’ve decided to be part of that solution there are so many things we can do. We can call problematic attitudes towards Women that we hear from people around us. We can actively challenge sexism and misogyny even from those closest to us. We can actively try to treat Women with as much respect as we can; be an example for others to follow. Have I always been perfect in this journey? No. Have there been times where I should have called somebody out for something they said whilst I was there? Yes. And will I strive to be better? Absolutely. We as men have to start seeing the solution as one of collective responsibility. Maybe you didn’t directly contribute to the problem but you can certainly be part of the solution. So in this case, it really should be all men.
To conclude, I really want to briefly touch on a movement that I believe has really contributed to the problem of Male violence against Women. This is a movement that is referred to as the “Alpha Male” or “Red Pill” movement. Now the Red Pill movement is multifaceted and I’ll unpick it in more depth in another piece but I wish to bring focus to the Alpha Male concept in particular here. It proposes a specific way to be a man and specific way to demonstrate one’s masculinity. One of the big leaders of this Red Pill movement that I referred to, and an embodiment of what the Alpha Male figure is supposed to be, is Andrew Tate. He proposes that men should be able to cheat on their female partners, encourages Men to use women for purely their own benefit, and tells Men to control almost every facet of a heterosexual relationship. He also encourages Men to put Women in their place and proposes that the value of women is purely to serve high value men such as himself. To be an Alpha Male then, one must get rich, have lots of women, and be a totally dominant figure. News then broke out earlier this year that Andrew, along with his brother Tristan, had been charged for rape, human trafficking, and forming a criminal gang to sexually exploit Women. So much of what Andrew taught was to have a concerning lack of respect for Women and to use them for personal gain, so it was hardly surprising that this news came out about him. If there was ever an example of truly toxic masculinity, Andrew and his Brother very much fit the bill.
EliWrites 